As a new mom, I can’t get over this idea that God loves us like His Children. Everyday I am stuck on it because I don’t know if I’ve ever loved a human as much as I love my son. It forces me to see EVERYTHING in a different light.
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“Every single time throughout your life that you’ve hit the ground hard and fought to get back up will help you now. And every time you get back up in this season, it will build inside you the resilience you’ll need for the next season, whatever that is. It’s good news and bad news. I’m sorry we’re having to learn so much about resilience right now - that’s the bad news. The good news: nothing is wasted. Your discipline, your creativity, you’re stubborn hope - they’re changing you, little by little.”`
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He tells Habakkuk, "Look, I will do such great things with your life that even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me." (Habakkuk 1:5) If I'm not careful to read the whole story, I will get stuck right here. Yet as we read on, we learn, God will use the devastation, destruction, and quarrels for His Glory. But in the moment, Habakkuk is left wondering if God really knows what He is doing.
Everyone around me had a task at hand and everyone around me had to work until it was completed. The delay in my timing didn't come because I am too weak nor did it happen because God stopped giving me strength.
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Paul’s words, specifically in this version, feel like a fresh cup of coffee with a friend who towers me in life experience. It’s as if, in some ways, I can hear him saying, “Brit, everything that others are proud of, doesn’t compare to the work Christ has done and will do. Trust me when I tell you, everything that I once thought was so important. I found, isn’t at all. At least, not compared to Christ. So give it up and give it to Him. Embrace Him and be embraced by Him. It’s not about the rules of religion, it’s about doing what God has called you to do. Right here, right now.”
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Reflecting on this story, I can’t help but wonder, where does confidence come from? In Philippians 2:24 the Apostle Paul makes a strange statement from his prison cell. In speaking with Timothy and Epaphroditus, he tells them, “and I am confident in the Lord that I myself will come soon…” When I read this by itself, I tend to think, “yes Paul, yes you will!” Until I remember the circumstances that he is in.
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The first time I read Philippians 1 I was living in Milford, Connecticut in the upstairs of a Cape Cod-style home. On this particular day, I was curled up on the gray couch with a cup of blueberry coffee. I was wearing black and white striped pajama shorts with a worn-down red t-shirt. Clearly, this verse and this day are engraved into my mind.
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I have. And if I’m honest, most days, I still do. But can I tell you a secret? One between you and I? Courage is just fear that has said its prayers. Paul, in prison, had no doubt that God would keep at it. He would keep working, keep moving, and keep speaking until the work was done. So why do we? What holds us back from believing that God will finish what He began?
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So friends. Yes, my black friends. How do we help? How do we link arms with you and stand for injustice? How do we show that we see it, we care, we're with you, we're for you, and something must change? Black lives matter to me because your life matters to me. And I'm scared to get it wrong. I'm scared of being misunderstood for what I can't possibly understand. But I know, the worst thing to do is nothing at all.
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Mentally, I’ve slapped a label that reads “these emotions look desperate. Please don’t touch.” The more I sit with them the more I know, these aren’t feelings of desperation but feelings of distrust. Surely, women of God, we’d never fully admit that we don’t trust Him. But, I’ll pull back the curtain in hopes of giving you permission to do the same.
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There are breakthroughs and breakdowns that will be forever embedded in our minds. I’m convinced, this pandemic is one of them. In the last few weeks so much has changed but His Perfect Love remains the same. When we look back, what will we say? Will we allow ourselves to be consumed by doubt, uncertainty, and fear? Or, will we boldly proclaim, “but God was there.”
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Why is it that what we think happened and what actually happened are usually two different things? I don't know where you stand on this but I have a tendency to over-exaggerate and reflect with rose-colored glasses. What about you?
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I know it’s hard to wrap our brains around but what if, what we’re experiencing right now, isn't a result of consequence but rather His trust in our competence. What if, just WHAT IF, at this moment, He is saying to The Heavens:
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My coach must have seen this because he started walking my way. In the middle of the next set, he quietly said: “if you are watching them. You should not be. Do not worry about where they’re at. This is a long haul. You have to go the pace that you know to go. Keep moving and do not look at their lane. Do what you know to do and run your own race.”
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When I think of temptation I think of alcohol, old relationships, gossip, etc. They are tangible, visibly destructive things that can distract you from doing all God has called you to do. However, comfort is different. Comfort is silent, it makes no objections, and inadvertently seems harmless. It's what we know and what we prefer but it's also what holds us back from experiencing the fullness of God.
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I walked back to my desk in awe of the accuracy her friend displayed. She knew exactly what happened, exactly what hurt, exactly what she missed, and exactly what she needed. Sitting back down, I had an aha moment with The Holy Spirit when I heard the echo of Romans 8:26, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans”
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For that same reason, Jesus says this, 'Hey team, listen up and take notes; the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. Don't get caught off guard by his footwork, he's only got three moves. I came so you know that the game has already been won. Play smart, now, let's take the floor ' (John 10:10)
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This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that God loves ugly prayers. I am thankful for the friends that have prayed them, the seasons that have brought them, the hurt that has sparked them, and for God who loves them.
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She referenced a scripture found in Daniel 10:12 when God says, “do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.” Reminding me that God will come in response to the prayers we choose to pray. So pray big, specific, prayers.
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