Almost To Help

Back in January, I went in to feed Levi around 10pm and noticed he had spiked a high fever. After evaluating his breathing and talking to his nurse, she advised us to head to the hospital. She asked how far we were from Milwaukee and I told her it would take us about an hour. From the other end of the phone she said words that I deeply fear as a parent. “With his breathing, I’m not sure you have that long - I’d take him somewhere close.”

We gathered all the things and rushed to the hospital as fast as we could. I was undone. Not the strong maternal side of undone. I was a bucket of tears basket case in that back seat. With my hand rested on his chest to feel his breaths, I was sobbing. I remember praying and repeating, “hang in there bud, we’re almost to help.” That night, he tested positive for COVID but with a little bit of Tylenol, his fever came down and his breathing returned to normal.

But my mind keeps routing back to that drive.

As a new mom, I can’t get over this idea that God loves us like His Children. Everyday I am stuck on it because I don’t know if I’ve ever loved a human as much as I love my son. It forces me to see EVERYTHING in a different light.

So, let’s go back to that car ride.

In that backseat, when Levi didn’t feel good and was having a hard time breathing, a lot of things went through my mind. Things like getting him to help, making sure he was rested, and literally monitoring the breath in his lungs.

What didn’t go through my mind were disciplines, schedules, or all the things we needed to do. I was just there. Focused on help, rest, and breathing.

If God loves us like His own children. This moment ravishes my soul.

This means, when we don’t feel our best self or when we’re having a hard time catching our breath. Maybe for moments, months, or years, God isn’t looking to discipline, schedules, or our to-do list to make us well. Rather, He’s focused on help, rest, and breathing. Speaking over us the same thing we speak over our little ones when they’re unwell, “hang in there bud, we’re almost to help.”