Ugly Prayers: Thanksgiving Edition
There are only 57 days left of this decade. In this decade, I graduated high school, college, and managed to live in five different states. I've seen the reality of alcohol addiction, toxic relationships, and unsettledness wreck havoc on my life. I've also witness first hand how the power of Christ, fully alive in me, can change the game entirely. Looking back at the peaks and valleys over the last ten years, I realize, I've got a lot to be thankful for this November.
This week, I'm thankful for the ugly prayers.
On March 4th 2017 I got a call from a dear friend that went something like this...
Her: Hey B, how are you?
Me: I'm so good! How are you?
Her: I'm okay. Look, I don't want to beat around the bush - I called for a reason.
Me: What's up?
Her: I've been praying for you a lot.
Me: Uh... thanks? I promise I really am doing well!
Her: I get that you think you are but I don't believe you are. So I need to be honest about the prayers I've been praying.
Me: What's that?
Her: I'm praying you hit rock bottom. (silence....) not because I don't love you but because I do. I believe that God wants more for your life but in order to experience it to the fullest, you're going to have to hit rock bottom. So, I called to tell you that when you do, your rock bottom has been covered in prayer. (click)
When she hung up, I was in shock. I thought, "who says that? who prays that? how does that qualify her to be a good friend?" One week later, on March 11th 2017, I hit what I often refer to in my testimony as part 1 of 3 in my rock bottom breaking. I remember that day like it was yesterday but mainly because I remember weeping in my best friends tub as I finally muttered the words, "I need help." When they came out, I caught my breath. She sat there and let me cry, reiterating the words, "you're going to get through this." I left her house that weekend and then, I went on living.
But, 8 weeks later on May 5th 2017, I experienced rock bottom #2. That night, I was trying to defend our need for God amongst a group of people that were watching me live deeply in the world. In effort to defend, I felt convicted and quickly ran out of the restaurant in a bucket of tears. The waitress chased me out of the restaurant and caught me right as I was climbing into the car. She wiped the tears off my face, put her hands on my shoulders, and said, "I overheard your conversation and I want you to know you are not alone. I don't know what you're going through but I know God loves you, He's for you and He see's you." Then, she walked away.
After that night, I cleaned up my act for a few months. Then, on December 17th, 2017, I hit rock bottom #3. I still remember the cold air on my face as I drove to church that morning. The night before was a blur and a blur that I was regretting. Over and over again I was telling myself, "it's okay - God loves you - He knows your heart - you do you." But in the back of my mind, echoed my friends words, "I believe that God wants more for your life but in order to experience it to the fullest, you're going to have to hit rock bottom. So, I called to tell you that when you do, your rock bottom has been covered in prayer."
I wept.
That morning, in desperation and conviction, I cried out for God to save me, change me, and make me new. I was willing, I was ready, and you know what? He did.
Looking back over the last two years, I'm amazed at the power of God. Through every valley, He's carried me. Through every trial, He's defended me and through every hard day, He's loved me. My friend was right, He wanted more for me but even greater than that, He just wanted me.
But, you know what I learned at rock bottom?
He is the firm foundation we land on we have no where to go.
He is the sturdy one beneath us that holds us when we're weary.
He is the one that catches us when we fall to the bottom.
He, Himself, is The Rock. (Deuteronomy 32:4)
This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that God loves ugly prayers. I am thankful for the friends that have prayed them, the seasons that have brought them, the hurt that has sparked them, and for God who loves them.
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." -Ephesians 6:18
Friend, I don't know what ugly prayers you've had tucked up your sleeve but I'm begging you to pray them. Not because you have too but because you get too. I believe God wants more for our lives but in order to experience it to the fullest, we're going to have to get real with where we're at. We're going to have to push past the boundaries of comfort and pray the ugly prayers. He is still moving, He is still healing, He is still saving, He is still redeeming, He is still powerful, He is still all knowing, He is still Lord and He is still The Rock.