I can't breathe

I tend to say nothing when I don't know what to say. When it came to the case of Ahmaud Arbery I stayed quiet. I ran 2.23 miles in honor of him but I didn't post about it. I prayed for his family and his friends but I didn't publicize it. Not because I didn't see it but because I don't see it how they see it and I've always struggled to speak on things I don't fully understand. 

But not speaking up, I can't help but wonder, do my black friends think I don't see it? Do my black friends think that I don't care? Do they know I stand with them? Do they know I am for them? Do they know, that I know, something has to change? 

I hope they do. I hope they know I see it. I hope they know I care. I hope they know I'm with them. I hope they know I'm for them. I hope they know that I know, something must change. 

George Floyd uttered the same three words that are etched in most pages of my journal. "I can't breathe." They come out when it feels like everything is coming down. They're spoken when I can't speak, can't see, and can't breathe. They're spoken as a cry for help, a cry for hope, and a cry for Him. 

We're different people, with different skin tones, different experiences, different fears, different pain, and different lives uttering the same three words. "I can't breathe." A cry for help, a cry for hope, and a cry for Him. Hearing these words forced me to stop and wonder, maybe we're not so different after all.

So friends. Yes, my black friends. How do we help? How do we link arms with you and stand for injustice? How do we show that we see it, we care, we're with you, we're for you, and something must change? Black lives matter to me because your life matters to me. And I'm scared to get it wrong. I'm scared of being misunderstood for what I can't possibly understand. But I know, the worst thing to do is nothing at all. 

Do we need to run? Do we need to speak? Do we need to write? Do we need to post? Do we need to show up? Do we need to stand tall? Do you need us to shrink back? So we can rise above? 

This is my ask. Help us learn. Help us know what to do. I love you, I see, I care, I'm with you, and I'm for you. So, where do we begin?