Stop
As I went in to cash a check at Chase Bank this week, I noticed a bold blue sign that said, “because it’s not about where you start, it’s about where you’re going” and I instantly fell in love with it.
Throughout my life, I’ve been made notorious for starting something and then, deciding to start something else. I’d buy the domain, create the Instagram handle, announce it to my 3,000 friends on Facebook, and then I’d either decide I didn’t have time, decide I didn’t have energy, or just drop the ball completely. Then, I’d have to go back and defend the very thing I was so confident to begin.
This didn’t happen with one thing, it happened with dozens. I’m moving to Texas, kidding, Florida! I’m training for another marathon, kidding, knee injury! I’m working on my book, kidding, writer's block! I’m launching this YouTube channel, kidding, editing is tough!
Eventually, feelings of inadequacy and lack of accomplishment started to creep in. Sometimes, I’d be ashamed of how foolish I looked chasing one thing after the next. One afternoon after buying another domain, I finally admitted to my mentor that it felt as if I had been chasing wind. I was running all over the place and always starting something new. I was living in extremely high highs and very low lows. In this place, I asked her, would I ever be able to do what I said I was going to do?
I expected a long explanation for why I was the way I was. Instead, she looked at me and spoke one word, boldly. “STOP.” — “Write if you want to write, run if you want to run, date if you want to date but stop putting definitives on your life that you’ll end up having to defend. Just stop.”
I remember thinking to myself; Stop? Just stop? — Up until this point, I was thriving on instant gratification and I didn’t understand the power in privacy. I didn’t understand how to start small and not announce to the world that I had started at all. I wondered, if I stop, how will I get where I want to go?
These thoughts circled my mind as I brought the fear of slowing down into the secret space that Him and I share. I felt Him breathe Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 back into my spirit as He reminded me,
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace” and right now, is the time to STOP.
For 8 months, I lived in a continual state of Holy hesitation. Every time I grabbed ahold of a new idea, I practiced a small word called percolation. I’d allow it to drip into my spirit, giving God the chance to breathe life into it before making any moves. Then, I’d surrender it back to His feet with a simple prayer of, “I know you’ll let me know. So for now, I will stop here.”
I’ve begun to start again and this time, it looks different. Starting has become more of a secret adventure and less of a public justification. It’s not about people following along, it’s about walking in obedience knowing that it is Him who fulfills His purpose for me. (Psalm 27:2)
When was the last time you stopped chasing the wind and listened for the sound as it blew by? (John 3:8) Have we spent so much time, trying not to miss anything that we have inevitably missed Everything? What would our lives look like if we made the decision to stop being all over the place and started living intentional about the exact place we are in?
Friends, you don’t have to justify why you’ve begun, what you’ve begun. Nor do you have to defend why you never saw it through because the reality is, it’s already finished. (John 19:30) But here is what I know, there is power in percolation and freedom in privacy because it’s not about where you start, it’s about where you’re going.
What’s meant for you can’t miss you. It’s okay to just, stop.