#13 Phoenix, AZ
"The strongest thing any human being has going for themselves is their integrity and their own heart." - Herbie Hancock
As I sipped my vodka tonic with a splash of sour this past Saturday night, I listened closely to the chatter around me, in The Speakeasy. The chatter could easily be passed off as small talk. There was a lot of laughter in between the dancing. And, everyone genuinely seemed to want to be there. I was in the midst of 75-year-olds, an age that perceived to be easier than 23 to me.
There was a woman sitting across from me, her name was Rita. You could easily be distracted by Rita's infectious smile, funny hand gestures, and vibrant attitude. She and her husband split 6 years ago, after being married for 46 years. And this was her very first night back out.
It wasn’t long after we got settled into the music and our drinks that Rita looked down at the table. Half of her hand covering her mouth, she mouthed the words "go figure, my first night out, he shows up." ---- You guessed it, her very first night out, her ex-husband showed up. I would say, what are the odds? But, realistically we all know this situation all too well.
For some reason, the older I get, the deeper I believed that life would begin to unfold itself in a peaceful manner. I had a theory that these extremely uncomfortable encounters with the past would begin to disappear.
For the same reasons that as a child I believed being an adult was easier. As a twenty-three-year-old woman, I find myself believing the same thing. That for some reason being 23 is harder than being 75.
What I have learned is that life prefers a chaotic repeat of unfolding events. It's not about what happens to you, it's about how you respond to what happens to you.
Truth is, the problems don't really end, and every age is full of things we don’t want to face. These problems might become less, or you may learn to deal with them better. But, they aren’t going anywhere and they have no intent to end. And, whether you are 23 or 75, you have to be ready for them, because they will come.
And when they do come, because they will. Our best practice is to try not to be ugly about it.
This circles back to the old saying that “how you treat someone isn’t a reflection of them, but it is a reflection of you.” In the midst of an unwanted situation, it is really easy to let words and emotions fly off the handle. We tend to say things we don’t mean and act in ways we never would.
Learn to apologize when things get out of hand, and forgive yourself for a reaction you didn’t mean to have. You can’t control how a situation makes you feel. But, you can control how you make others feel, about the situation.
It is a huge challenge to handle situations with grace and class. But, it is also an amazing characteristic to be able to move swiftly and move on.
