But will God be good to me?

When I found out I was being laid off at the beginning of December, I threw some crazy prayer requests up at God. I prayed that He’d keep me in the student housing industry, I praised that He’d keep me on the East Coast, and that He would place me on a team in which I knew the work I was doing mattered. Ending my prayer with a simple; yet heartfelt, “but not my will, Your will be done.”

I struggle praying specific prayers. I know we are told, that if we “ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John 5:14) But, praying specific prayers makes me painfully aware of how skewed my view of God really is. These prayers leave me wondering, I know God is good but is He really going to be good to me? What if I ask and He let’s me down? What if He doesn’t come through? What if this is the one time He forgets about the intricate details of my life?

This morning as I was reading in the book of Genesis, I was struck by how many generations have carried a fear of specificity. When God tells Abraham His plan to destroy Sodom, Abraham slowly backs down the number of righteous people it will take in order to save the city. “Suppose fifty… suppose forty-five… suppose forty… suppose thirty… suppose twenty… suppose ten.” (Genesis 18:22-23) To every proposal Abraham brings God, His answer is always, yes.

I wonder why Abraham felt the need to talk God down? Couldn’t he have just asked for ten righteous lives to begin with? Or, did he too wonder, “I know God is good but is He really going to be good to me? What if I ask and He let’s me down? What if He doesn’t come through?” Knowing Lot was in the city of Sodom, did Abraham wonder, “what if this is the one time He forgets about the intricate details of my life?”

As I interviewed for my new position and the offer letter came through, I was shocked that it checked every prayer request I placed at His feet. In the weeks leading up to my starting date, I found myself in a continual state of apprehension.

What is it in us that believes God is going to rip the rug from under us? What is the reason behind the resilient voice in our head that says, “I know God is good but is God going to be good to me?”

It’s in these appeals that He swiftly shifts my focus from the waves back unto His will. That not only is God good at being God; but no one is good except God. (Luke 18:19) For His eyes are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer. (1 Peter 3:12A) He made you and He will care for you, (Isaiah 46:4B) for your Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need. (Luke 12:30)