I have been staring at these pictures for the last 12 hours. Last night, as Jasmin and I raced to catch the sunset, we stumbled upon something that caught us both completely by surprise. We have come to this beach night after night, seeking God's voice, and resting in His healing. As we quickly approach the packed parking lot, it seemed almost natural to drop all of our stuff, pick up a drum, let out a handful of "AYI-YI-YIIIII" and dance to whatever beat that was pressing into our soul. Unexpected, yes. Unbelievable, absolutely not.

I want to tell you so much about this sand. I want to tell you how many tears it holds, I want to tell you the secrets it knows, how much laughter has taken place in it, how many hearts it is mending, and how much healing is happening but I will save that for another time.

40 days ago, I sat in this sand, completely broken and unsure of what to do next. Watching the sunset, I proposed one question to God, "where do I go from here?" to which He replied very gently, "nowhere, just be still... don't leave... don't run... don't move... just stay here". I remember thinking to myself, healing isn't done in stillness, I couldn't have heard Him right. There is a book to be written, there is work to be done, and there are places to be seen, the only way out of is through... I must keep going.

Over the next few days, I realized just how serious God was when He told me to sit still. I experienced writer's block like never before, chapters I know I have written, completely vanished from my computer. My role in my company shifted and my panic attacks heightened. These two elements together left my travel requirements minimal and my downtime great. I spent the first few days trying to fill that downtime with more tasks on my to-do list but at the end of every to-do list sits the reality of the hurt you're walking through.

So, a few days later, I returned to the same sand. I sat, I wept, and I decided I would accept the invitation to just be still. I would accept the challenge to heal.

What I have learned is that healing isn't linear at all and maybe that's what makes it so great. Some days I wake up feeling relieved and excited, other days I have to peel myself up off the shower floor paralyzed from fear and rejection. Both intense joy and terrifying panic attacks live in this season. It's in all of these moments that I am reminded, God's favor isn't based on me, it is simply placed on me. I have His permission to be human.

Over the last 40 days, God has been showing me in the most dramatic ways that what I want and what He knows I need are not the same thing. Who I am today and who He is calling me to be, have vastly different needs. If His Kingdom is going to endure forever then as His child, my time on earth has to not only be attainable but also sustainable. I can see God working, I can see Him moving, I can see battles being won, and I can truly see that He meant it when He said, "I am working everything together for the good --- just be still."

There is a song I came across a few weeks ago that says,

You go before I know
That You've even gone to win my war
You come back with the head of my enemy
You come back and You call it my victory

And all I did was praise
And all I did was worship
And all I did was bow down
And all I did was stay still

I can't help but think about how true those words have stood for me in this season. That God is always fighting a battle I know nothing about. He shows up in the middle of the mess, leads me to unexpected places, with unexpected people, pressing on towards one common aim: Just be still and know.

In the midst of uncertainty, when unexpected strikes, I hope you find the strength to stay still. I hope you find the courage to step into healing and push against the current that says you have to keep moving. I pray you find the grit in your spirit to keep showing up even if it hurts. That you will remember, He will fight for you, just be still.

The storm you're in right now isn't there to take you out, it's there to identify where you are.

"Look at the nations and watch-- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." -Habakkuk 1:5

P.S. don't be surprised if in the middle of your healing and solitude, God awakens your soul with a drum circle. Remember, what you want and what God knows you need may not be the same thing.

Just Be Still.